Finals are nerve racking. I never thought I would stress out over something like is in all of my life time. College finals are no where near high school finals. And I thought I had it bad back then. I was soooo wrong haha.
Today we were allowed to take a practice "EPE" for my English Composition class and I didn't so so on that. I got a C+. Luckily, only 3 people showed up and my professor surprised us by saying the grade we got on the practice would be our final grade if we bombed the EPE on Thursday. That is GREAT news for me! That means I've passed! But I want to get a better grade. I mean..this is going on my GPA here. But yeah! I am super excited! That's pretty much it for now. I have to complete my COMP portfolio and study for my psychology exam. Oh jeez.

Wish me luck! (I'll need all of it that I can get)

So today is definitely the first day of December and I have accomplished 2 main things:

1) My psychology project and my FRS project are done
2) My hair is dyed dark brown again

and to top everything off: it's snowing. Not just snowing for an hour or so. All day. I love every bit of it. Happy December!! :]

10 days until my birthday :]

So I have been thinking about my life. Where is it going from here? I can't honestly tell where it's going but I know it'll get better...right? I feel like I have a sense of "empty-ness" that I can't get rid of. For some reason, I feel like I've lost connections with my "best" friends back at home and nothing is the same any more. Sure. I've gone off to college and they're still in high school but why does it have to feel like we have nothing in common anymore? I can't talk about high school football games or marching band competitions anymore and they can't talk about "crazy" college experiences or new friends (because they haven't experienced it yet). While being in high school, once you've reached junior year, you pretty much know everyone. Being in college-- you're faced with the challgenge of meeting new people again. It's like a roller coaster. I don't understand why I feel like this but it's just like..whenever I talk about my college experiences.. my friends aren't really listening. I think it's because they don't exactly know HOW to understand because they haven't experienced anything like it and it doesn't catch their interest. I wish things weren't like this because I feel like I've lost a major part of my life that won't ever be the same again. It kinda sucks if you really think about it. How can you go from a life of having friends around you  24/7 to having those friends gone? I'm not nearly as connected with them as I used to be and I really miss it. I feel like whenever I try and contact them.. I'm just bugging them because I'm not a part of their every-day life anymore. I know this isn't true but it just feels like this because I hardly see them. Yes, I do go home on weekends but when I do go home..I feel like I'm missing so much in the dorm that I want to instantly go back to my dorm-room...not my room at home. It's not that I miss home persay... I just miss the atmosphere of being around my friends and feeling like I'm a part of their lives. I hate feeling like I'm ranting on the same ole' same ole', but it's just how I've been feeling alot recently. It sucks because me thinking like this makes me feel like I've become a depressing person but it's really not me at all. I'm still the happy- "peppy" type of person and I'm having a blast experincing all of these new things at college. There's so much I wish I could tell people but I feel like the only person I could tell would be my mom. She's the only person who truly cared and took time to listen to all of my stories (even if they were the most random/pointless things you could possibly think of.) It's been almost a year since she passed away and I think my life in general has changed. I miss being able to go home and having her greet me with a "Hi Sweetie! (or Treecie Peecie!) How was school? Anything fun? Have any new pictures for me?" She was always there for me when I needed someone the most and now that's she's gone I feel like I don't have anyone. I hate feeling like this because I know it's true but some days I just feel like I have literally no one. I don't like rambling like this because it makes me cry every time I think about my mom but sometimes I just feel the need to get it all out. I don't think anyone here really understands how big of a toll someone's death can have on you until you have experienced it (which I hope you never will!). I know my good friend Miguel lost his mom when he was young..so he understands way more than other people but yeah. That helped he and I become closer friends (I know..awful situations bring the best together). I miss my mom. That's pretty much all I can say without crying. I miss her. Alot.

(And I'll leave it at that.. it's 3:10 am and I need sleep. Not to mention I have a 9:00a.m. algebra class in the morning. Gross)

私は週末の間準備ができている。 私はばかばかしいペーパーをすることに疲れている。 私は月の私の時間があることを憎む。 私の胃は傷つく。 今日私は昼食を共にすることを行かなかった。 その代り、私は2枚のペーパーで働き、次に私の部屋をきれいにする私の寮部屋のの中で付いた。 私は疲れている。

 mood;; 眠い

listening to;; 告白の噴水広場 by Berryz工房

watching;; 何でもない

reading;; 何でもない

eating;; 何でもない

need to do;; Research topic for COMP, ASL 203 reading journal, mth110 homework

"よっしゃ
与も野も　食べましょ
ご飯を　食べましょ
日本の　お米は　世界で　一番
ティキィ　ティキィ　ティキィ
皆の衆　モンキーダンス　モンキーダンス
エビバデ　右向いて
エビバデ　上向いて
ほら　エビバデ　手をあげない
ほら　エビバデ　顔戻す"

-That makes me extremely happy just singing outloud. You should try it.

So I was looking through old entries on this site that I had posted and I came across parts where I was talking about my mom. It started to upset me so I'm deciding to delete the entries where I was talking about her. (Only the bad stuff of course...referring to the cancer) It's almost been a whole year since she's been gone and I don't know how I feel about that. Lots of things have changed in my life since she passed away and life in general has been crazy. I had previously written an entry from when she had passed away but it made me so depressed that I deleted the previous entry. Regardless...that was my rant for tonight. I need to do homework.